how unconditional is your love?
One of my teachers in Supercoach Academy who also became my mentor is Dr. Greg Baer. He teaches about Real Love and he defines it this way:
Real Love is unconditionally caring about the happiness of another person, meaning, without any thought for what we might get for ourselves in return.
I often hear people say that they unconditionally love their children, or their partner. Sometimes they even say they would give their lives for them! But is this really true?
Take a good look at your own behavior. Think about how you relate to your spouse, your lover, your children, your siblings, your friends or even co-workers.
Do you accept them exactly as they are and contribute to their happiness the best you can? Do you care about how they feel? Or do you like how they make you feel?
Notice if you ever:
- Caught yourself telling a lie (even a tiny innocent one) just so that the person in front of you wouldn’t think less of you, to cover for a mistake, to avoid disappointment – that’s LYING.
- Reacted with anger, making other people feel guilty, criticizing them, withdrawing approval, physically intimidating them, using a position of authority – that’s ATTACKING.
- Convinced people that you’ve been injured or treated unfairly, so that you get their sympathy, attention and support: “How could you do this to me?”; “How could you not do this for me?”; “It’s not my fault” – that’s PLAYING VICTIM.
- Moved away from a painful situation, withdrawing, avoiding people, leaving relationships, being shy, seeking refuge in drugs or alcohol – that’s RUNNING.
- Flattering people who do things for us, being excessively grateful, buying people’s love with gifts – that’s CLINGING.
These are all different sorts of getting and protecting behaviors we use to fill our own emptiness and our fears. And we use them because they usually produce an immediate response. The problem is that the satisfaction we get is only temporary and it will end up affecting our long-term relationships. This is not unconditional love.
Wouldn’t you like to really love and be loved unconditionally?